Invasion vs Assimilation

In a previous post (Please see, “The Menopause Alien” for some background), I asked the question, “So, what now? How do we evict the aliens? The truth of a woman’s biology is that we can’t. What we can do instead, is to reframe these unwanted symptoms and feelings from an invasion to an assimilation.”

Many of you may have read that section with skepticism wondering how I could ever ask you to do something as hideous as assimilate (that word tastes bitter rolling around in your mouth doesn’t it?) wretched symptoms like weight gain or hot flashes into your body and everyday life.

Here’s what I mean. When I was going through my Menopause Coaching Specialist training, we were given an activity called a, “Menopause Vision Statement.” In essence, it is an activity designed to allow you step out of the sweaty, hot flashy, hotbox your body has become in order to look at the bigger picture of what these symptoms really mean in our life to create your own Menopause Vision Statement. Through a series of small activities, you define your core values (those things most important to you) with regard to nutrition, fitness, lifestyle, family, and mindset. Through that activity, you determine your top 5 core values. From there, you work to determine your top 3 priorities for this new season in your life. And finally, using your top 5 core values coupled with your top 3 priorities going forward, you create and define your vision statement. Here’s an example directly from the worksheet:

"In my life, thriving during menopause means spending as much time as I can with my immediate family, tending to my beautiful garden, and being strong enough to do a pushup."

Did you notice how none of the focus was on losing weight, stopping hot flashes, etc.? The true focus and purpose was on thriving in menopause. This person focused on the things that matter to her so she could discovery what brings her joy and what would help her feel confident. You see, being in the menopause journey means that we are in a different time in our life.

For the mothers out there, it means that we survived diapers, toddlers (Praise the Lord!), elementary school field trips, teenagers (woohoo!) and maybe you are already seeing your kids off to college. You did it mom! You kept another human alive for a really long time, long enough to see them move out of the house. The menopause transition is no less challenging than anything you dealt with as a mom. For you, I am here to help ease and to support you through this transition.

However, for my mamas out there who have suffered the devastation of the loss of a child, your body will remind you that despite that irreparable hole in your heart, that biology moves on with or without us. Your ability to assimilate menopause into your life might come with a bit more duress. I salute you my beautiful mamas. I am here to help ease and support you through this transition.

And to you, all the lovely ladies without kids, congratulations! You still have an intact pelvic floor! No peeing when sneezing for you. This however, does not mean that the menopause transition will be any less difficult. Your ability to assimilate menopause into your life and see it as something in which you can still thrive requires just as much resiliency as anything else you have tackled in your life. And for you, I am here to ease and to support you.

Menopause is a badge of honor because it means that we have made it this far. We have made an impact in the world big enough that now our body is ready to say goodbye to our ability to bring life into the world, and is ready to say hello to wine nights with friends, girls’ trips, date nights without securing a babysitter, and all the Zumba classes you can dance to in a week without checking your watch to ensure you get in the school pick up line early enough so you’re not so far back in line that you’re actually in another town.

While it may sound as though I am asking you to put optimism for this adventure above all else, it is and can be for many, a grieving period as it is a time when our children don’t need us much anymore, or at all if they are in college. We may find ourselves staring at our partners wondering what we talk about now that our kids are out of the house and our lives no longer revolve around soccer or choir practice. We may be grieving the loss of our youthful figures, of the body that did so much for us and took us so many places. For some of my friends, they are expressing feeling lost now that the dust is settling on their empty house. Who are you now that you’re not a band parent anymore? Do you finally go back to college to finish your degree? What do you want to be when you grow up? Some of you might be finding yourselves single for the first time in many years due to divorce. Who are you without that partner? These are hard questions and even harder emotions that shouldn’t be ignored. Your feelings are valid, normal and ok. Its never too late to begin a relationship with a therapist for yourself. This is a lot to navigate and it doesn’t ever have to be explored alone.

To assimilate this journey into our hearts and minds means to practice self-care like never before (or for the first time, for many of you) with therapy, mindful eating, meditation walks, strength training, massages, exploring acupuncture for the first time, hikes with friends, Pilates, yoga, learning how to rock climb, and spending lots of time cultivating friendships. You might be surprised to discover how adding intentional self-care into your life could actually alleviate many of your menopause symptoms both physically and psychologically.

In future posts, I will begin to address menopause-specific topics like nutrition (yes, there are very specific and research-backed ways to eat during menopause), fitness, acupuncture, meditation, and so much more.

For now, as you assimilate the idea that menopause isn’t just a physical journey, but a very emotional one that is best explored in a tribe with other women, let me leave you with this thought from the last post:

“After all, women are communal creatures. We are not meant to do things alone. There’s a reason that women in indigenous cultures have historically given birth as a female-driven collective. We aren’t meant to do life and its many seasons separately. Menopause is no different."

I hope my blog posts can help you to step out to educate, alleviate, and advocate for your health. Let’s learn from our indigenous sisters and do menopause as a collective of fierce women who laugh, love and lift each other up. You are not alone."

P.S. For those of you interested in exploring the, “Menopause Vision Statement,” worksheet, here it is! All of us in the certification program from Girls Gone Strong were given permission to share as we wanted, so feel free to share it with friends!

Menopause Vision Statement worksheet.pdf

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