Motivation & Your Deep Health

Last week, after finishing off the subject of fitness in week 5 of my menopause program, I turned the record button off on Zoom, and the question was asked about motivation. How do you find motivation when you used to train so hard, then you walk away from it? The topic of motivation is such a hard one because it’s so unique to each person.

While psychology defines motivation as, “the process that initiates, guides, and maintains goal-oriented behaviors,” it really comes down to the ebb and flow of life. What has been going on in your life that caused the drop off?

For me, it was a major shift in my health. My body was betraying me and it was no longer the powerful, muscular machine I once relied on for all those years. That girl was fading away, and in its place was a middle-aged woman struggling to breathe, hoping her bladder wouldn’t spontaneously fall right out of my vagina. I had to find a different motivation. To use the definition above, I had to find a different process that initiated, guided, and maintained my goal-oriented behaviors. My motivation was to heal truly and cellularly. I complied with everything my naturopath, Dr. Overland prescribed me to do and take. And, I started grad school... again.... in my 40’s.

During last week's class, I made the point that once we get into this season of our lives, our bodies will never be the same, the well-oiled machines that they once were might no longer exist in the same way. As harsh as the truth is, it is our responsibility to adapt accordingly to this new reality and begin the search for answers. Is this what brought you to my website, to reading this post right now? Are you in a major transition right now and you need to find your purpose?

In my practice as a health and wellness coach for women over 40, my focus/niche and passion is supporting and assisting you in the development of your deep health. Below is my wheel of deep health for you visual gals.

I define deep health as, “the exploration of nine areas of a woman’s life to inform, guide, and lead to a more fulfilling and nourishing life”

• Physical health

• Spiritual health

• Fun & recreation

• Fitness/exercise

• Social health

• Family

• Sleep

• Career & development

• Partnership/romance

When it comes to a lack of motivation, often the question isn’t, “how do I get back to where I was?” You can’t. Things are different, and that’s ok. Instead, ask yourself questions like:

"Who am I now that my kids are more independent and no longer need me?”

"What is my dream job?”

"What are the obstacles in my life that are holding me back?"

"My clothes don’t fit anymore. What do I need to do to change that?"

Motivation is about looking more closely at where you do and do not feel satisfied in your life. I feel so strongly about the idea of cultivating deep health in all of the nine areas above, that I have a survey you can take on the home page of my website (access it here). When I coach a client, we dig into the wheel of deep health and its accompanying survey to look at what is causing the hangs up in motivation, among many other things. You’ll be surprised to know that your lack of motivation isn’t because you are just lazy. Its always more complicated than that. There are real and deep-rooted issues that have led you to this point so they need to be given the time and attention for exploration and consideration.

Here are a few thoughts on how to establish motivation towards a new project/goal:

1. Have a list of non-negotiables because that’s how you stay energetically committed to this new endeavor.

I really mean for you to sit down with yourself to consider things like, “what do I need to do to complete this project? What obstacles are between me and completion of this project/goal? What am I absolutely not willing to give up or to do, in order to complete this goal? How do I fit it into my schedule? How do I navigate time with family in order to both accomplish this goal AND maintain strong family connections?

Here’s an example. When I started grad school to get a second Master’s degree two years ago, I knew several things. I knew this would be a time commitment that would disrupt my family. I was asking my family to be quiet when I was in class on Zoom, or to be understanding when I couldn’t go camping last summer because I was in full-time school. I knew that I would have to become a master planner, organizer, and doer, in order to manage my business, family, and school. I also knew that I needed to maintain clear communication with my husband in order to accomplish going full-time and finishing fast.

Here were my non-negotiables:

• Stay at least one week ahead in homework to always have room for life’s disruptions

• No homework on the weekends. All work must be completed while my son is in school on the weekdays so I am fully present for my family

• No homework after school (zoom classes don’t count, that’s unavoidable). There is always a lot going on and I want to be available to my son and to any other mom duties that come up in the evenings.

• Schedule two date nights a month to stay connected to my husband

I stayed very true to these non-negotiables. I was a militant scheduler. I knew exactly what my homework was for each week. Classes and homework assignments were color-coded in my planner, and I had a very strategic plan-of-attack for completing all assignments according to the above non-negotiables. In doing all of this, I stayed very focused, driven and energetically committed to the outcome, which was to graduate in 15 months (which, by the way, I did).

Those non-negotiables for me, became very clear boundaries that I kept to protect my school time from my family time. Think of your non-negotiables as your boundaries. For those of you with nebulous or few boundaries, this may feel very uncomfortable to you. But digging into your deep health and why things are not going the way you’d like them to, means being downright uncomfortable and taking a hard look at all of it: the good, the dark, and the dirty. Your motivation lies somewhere in there.

2. Create a vision board with your goal, what you want from it, and the best possible outcome if you were to achieve this goal.

What I did for this was to buy a diploma frame for my Master’s diploma for when I finished. I hung it up in my office, empty, surrounded by my other Master’s diploma from 2001, and the many certifications I have. I wanted to see that empty frame everyday so I was reminded what I was doing and why I was doing it.

For those of you who have never done a vision board before, it can be something as simple as pictures on your phone that you look at regularly. Maybe you’re someone who likes to journal. In your journal write out in great detail what you dream the outcome to be if you achieve your goal. How would it feel? How would the world smell? What colors do you see? What words do you hear friends and family saying to you? Putting a picture and words to your dream, embeds into your mind and heart the reality of your success. Dream BIG. Nothing is crazy.

So back to motivation. Can you see now that your lack of motivation is complex like you are? It's never too late to take a hard look into yourself, into the person you are now in your 40’s or 50’s. Who do you want to be when you grow up? Despite what skeptics say, anyone can change. It takes work. You have to be brave.

You’re still you from your 20’s and 30’s. You’ve been knocked around a bit, have a few more wrinkles, a little more wear and tear on the body, but you’re tougher, wiser...better.

I’ll leave you with this thought:

She remembered who she was, and the game changed.

Now go. Do the hard work. It won’t be easy. It’ll be f-ing hard at times. But it’ll be so worth.